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Showing posts from April, 2017

beach

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vast ocean. blue sea. golden beach. a place where the driest and the wettest thing meet. some love the sand. some love the sea. some love both the sand and the sea. sea is indeed beautiful. with the waves and the blues. but the beach makes you wonder. even the driest place. have beautiful things. with some little bitches laying by the sea. that you can never touch but to see. sea is for adventurer. surfing through the waves. joining in action. beach is for observer. sentrying those in action and those on the beach. what are you? you are either the beach or the sea. or else. you are that little bitch. peace. "Day 2 at Pattaya" "just thoughts"
Xoxo J

.blurred.

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blurred views. scorching weather. lust everywhere. on wanderlust people. so blurred. can't differentiate between. lust and love. male and female. through thoughts we can see one's true face. through face we can't see one's true thoughts. all those smiley faces. happy jobs. is that so? everything is blurry. from faces to views. what our retina can't form and translate. is the true sight of humanity. feelings. emotions. and thoughts. " Day 1 in Pattaya "
Xoxo J.

inky.

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affiliate sadness with black. with lining of white. like a beer we drank. happiness and sadness pouring together. but was never separated at sight. we love black. in style. fashion. design. explained. "aren't we all printer-alike.". color was ever costly to be used. ink is spilled in occasion. we were forced to align. to surroundings. peoples. will you scold a machine? or will you scold humanity. for making you a machine. or worse. a machine scolding a machine. are we choosing our own black and white? we were always right. using heart and mind. unless you are controlled. slowly. steadily. turning into a marionette. a place neither black or white. a place made up of ashes. a color without "a color". the grey side. "we killed our dreams with our desires" "money kills?"

Xoxo J.














.rupture.

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fatigued. by haunting dream. sleep harms more than heals. drained from life. sucking all the blood and sweat. thirst for blood. tortured by insomnia. we became vampires. suck and get sucked. cycle begins. the smell of blood rises like a promise. blindly goes with the society. aren't we all bloodseeker. thirsting for each other meaningless blood. with no true direction. in life. in dreams.


Xoxo
J.

melt.

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deceived. truth were never told. you're tired. i'm tired. sore legs. broken heart. hands that we can't hold longer. forever eludes you. an ice cream. melt if you don't eat. maybe some memories. taste good within shorter time. we were weak. tested and failed. by time and by faith. disconnected. nothing in between. but the lies within the truth. wait and wait. i'm melted. by the temperature. and the loosing of the enjoying hand. i'm an ice cream. best served chilled.

Xoxo J.

.curve.

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thrown thrashes. enjoyment with payment. free. but u wish to be traded. one day. thirty-one days. smile on one. or thirty-ones. your choice. you are not willing to pay. instead you choose to smile on one. for payment at the end of each thirty-ones you never smiled. what a joke. is it hard. to make a right curve. positivity. life lays on a spectrum. with its up and down. a quadratic form. basic maths apply. a positive equations make the perfect curve. smile.  " it's never for the money "

Xoxo Sheng.

addiction

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loneliness. severe. deadly. an addiction. you talk to things. the moon. the star. not people. attached with strings, a puppet without an owner. left to be untouched. a nomad's life. temporary life. so carefree. felt so high being alone. a sudden rush of blood. just like drugs. time passed. solitude became a basic need in life. no longer weird. but a norm. as you sail your ghost ship past the crowded suburb.

Xoxo
J

.goals.

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we wanted too many goals. relationship to life goals. enjoyment without effort. we want to be wanderlust. we wondered. we just. ponder around. can't score without shooting. are we kicking our feet? are we moving our legs? "I can't do it", does it stand in your way? shoot the ball. let it be off target. let it be missed. one day, the moment when the ball hits the back of the net will change you forever. time is gold. but it's never too old to score the goal. live in your dreams. or live like your dreams. time to motivate myself. to strife and to achieve. my dreams.
" you can do it jia sheng ! "

Xoxo
J.

ache

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stupid boy missing the floor. those days. when I windmilled myself on the ground. windmilled my arms, my body. a perfect dance floor. I smiled. then frown. a flare of sadness. destroying my inner peace. an ache to the heart. so literal. but yet, figurative. memories was there. constantly stabbing you with intense emotions. hitting by a virtual jackhammer. I yearn for return. I will. this is a place I miss. everything. this room, in particular. decisions with reasons. and never regret with your decisions. we will meet again. I believe. just don't be forgetful. and remember me. path may be crossed as we draw our future in the unforeseen. allow me to miss here and everything. but I shouldn't be ever missed.

with love, always.

Xoxo
J.











.sundered.

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sundered. from what you hold most dear. everything is gone but the lamentation. one world with multiple uncrossed path. transformed by metamorphosis, one seem to sunder himself. split identity disguise terror. dread lead to one's true reflection. pure white paper crumpling down. shattered mirror with shattered reflection. everything is unnaturally born. betrayed by yourself. purity within soul was ever gone. do they hide? no. they were stolen. eaten by you. stolen fruit is ever sweetest.

Xoxo
J.

reborn

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tides gushing. in deep water. you are drowning. is this the end? or are you trying hard enough to survive? entered uncharted waters. from the shallows to the far shores. it's dangerous. it's risky. life is dangerous. it's a venture. an adventure. saving yourself from time to time. perspective from others may sway your intention. calling it selfish, self-centered. would you be pulled down together to the bottom of the sea. or should you reborn and rise again from the deeps? the main point is always, save yourself, before saving others. the true nature of humanity will not be changed. like pain receptor within our epidermis. an reflextive reaction. would you surge forward? a sea change is coming. and it vow to drown you in blood. are you ready to be the savior of your own life? are you ready to reborn? or the riptides shall claim victory. resting in peace under the tide. r.i.p tide. peace out.
Xoxo J,

Stayputnomore.

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Dazzled upon. We learnt the worst way to stay out of getting hurt is to, stay put. It’s like a man getting dismembered. Rotting in place. Forgotten its direction. Lost. Soulless. Feeling empty in depressing darkness. “I don’t know what to feel“, is it an excuse, to escape what hurts you the most?
            Stay put no more. When you realized everything moves as you stand still. Few will stop by and comfort you, but none will stays. Stricken by gravity, only thing can do is to move on. Improve yourself. Prove your worth. Spread the aura of positivity. By the end of the day, we are all birds accepting in an imperfection flight.
             Stay put no more. Let it all out and live your life. Appreciate what ahead and be happy. Happiness is everywhere. A smile exchanged by a stranger. An act of kindness. Anything in simplicity. Feel what you are feeling. Fall in love again. Never make reference from the past. Be yourself, your life is not based on any article telling you what you sho…

.tessellate.

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tessellate. from scratch. block by block. until completion. never feel sorry making the same mistake. we'll tessellate until the perfect pattern is made. spread your wing into the zone. right or wrong. keep it spiral. one day perfection will come. and it will be a triangle where three points meet. Toe to toe. head to head. failure is the block. creating a unforeseen pattern. to fail is to make one step further. stressed backwards is desserts. fail backwards is liaf. failure completes your "liaf". are you wrung out? rest well. we are birds accepting in an imperfection flight. through the wing zone. welcome to my wing zone. a zone better than friend zone. open late with delivery. thank you !

Xoxo
J.








shadowstar

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like a death star. strong. having imbalance power. enough to dismantle anything. but yet rebels manage to destroy every time. you see shadow when there is light, you see the star when there is night. moon appears to stalk us every night, luster through the city of loneliness tonight. is power enough? when you fought reality without an ally. is like a shadow can't be seen in the night, and stars unveiled through the daylight. the right ally maybe? or is it fate that connects us in line, waiting for the supposed "day" and "night". once in a while we hate what feels right, like hating shadow blocking our sight. shadow don't you hate me. a lone hunter getting played by the believed to be "mrs right". you never left. maybe i'm the star, a self glowing source that produce light, to give shadow what it needs to be alive. together we're fearless. together we gathered power. we are not death star. we are more than that. we are more than complete. …

soul

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soul beckons. holding shattered dreams. the marching of time, leading to another inevitable death. true or false. not from heart. judging of society. makes us a body without a soul, or a soul without a body. Always sense the proximity of souls, souls without body wandering through the void. everything seem timeless, until death prove us wrong. can we be who we are? wearing a mask? does it feel right? let it be who you are. you're an angel, be an angel. you're a demon, stays a demon. keep the soul within you, or someone shall take it away. stay disguise no more, never. because it's now or nevermore. stop living in the shadow, cause that would make us fiend. a shadow fiend. i hope i'll never see you in the abysm. Or else, soul, taken!
Xoxo, J.

boxes

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Lost in boxes. The feeling of unable to find something in a well-arranged box. Too many box? Should we arrange our feelings, thoughts or maybe emotions? Maybe it's time wasting looking out for something you've packed in a box. Or should we set free ourselves and let whatever thoughts, feelings, emotions come first to conquer your human mind? Once you arranged too many feelings in too many box, you became indolent in ever discovering what you are feeling. Deep? Picture finding a card in a store room. It's either you gave up finding or you found it eventually by pure luck. As time goes by, you tend to forget where to put your feelings, where you set your thoughts, or where you hide your emotions. Eventually, you are robotized without a feeling, an emotionless creature. " I don't know what I'm feeling "? Worried about losing something, forgotten how to obtain something, Appreciate the imperfections of life, and there would be no waste in living a life. What…

The Mist.

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How far can you see? How blind are you? While we claim to have 10/10 vision, there's always something blocking your vision, your goal. It's called the mist. We often get lost in the fog, which eventually makes us vulnerable to any insecurities. Sometimes, we saw ghosts in the mist, images that is not real. Why is that? All these ghostly mist makes fear more and more magnified. Fear creates false reality. Fear of the misty path in front of you, fear of the failure because there was no confirm success. Mist are tiny droplets of water, suspended in the air. You may drown in water, but can you drown in the mist? Well you surely can. As funny as it may seem, most of us are in the mist, it's not that we don't to go out, is that we don't have the courage to walk out. Because we are drowning inside, drowning in fear. We could have changed the world, or we can let the tiny droplets of water within the mist slowly, steadily drowning us to death. 
Xoxo J.

18 kid no more.

Forever 18 would now be applied to me. Yay or Nay?
We won't realize how fast something is if it's going in constant speed, just like time, flowing away like a ninja.
How many more birthday can I get? 60? 70? 80? No one knows. The fact that there's always 24 hours everyday makes us less appreciate time. In reality, there will not be different or alternate ending. Because in the end of life, is always death. This year birthday was a good one, simple yet fulfilling. Just hope that I can stay happy and have a wonderful year ahead. Wishes my friends and family a prosperous health and happiness. I hope I do my thing right and my dreams would came true. It's been a long time since I write again in this blog. This would be the end of today's blog. See you !

xoxo,
J.